Autumn is beautiful

Thoughts on Discipline and Passion

God sells us all things at the price of labour."
-Leonardo da Vinci

Discipline and Passion.

Something I've been thinking about lately.

They are the two things that I personally want my children to grasp hold of as we make our way through our homeschool odyssey.

My personal educational journey was certainly a model of discipline, self-motivation and success - in terms of academic achievement and  gaining a good degree. Yet I do not necessarily claim to have learnt very much in all those years.

Let me explain:

I was lazy - so I was told all through my primary school years. Now, I honestly don't recall that to be the case but I guess my report card attests to that fact: "Satisfactory work",  "Could do better", "Try harder"; words transcribed in ink, a constant reminder that I didn't quite measure up - not up to the other girls in my class at least. Our report cards would give our position in the class and each year I would be marked 36th or 38th (or thereabouts) out of 40 girls, much to my dismay. In those days, (scarily,  I'm now of the age where I can legitimately say that) -  kids were streamed by ability into different classes. It was a smallish school at the time so it was Class A and Class B. I'd comfort myself with the thought that at least I was in the "A" Class and so I must still be cleverer than those girls in the "B" class. It really was a mentality that was drummed into us, that what counted was being clever and passing your exams well.

At age 11, we had to sit national exams which decided if you got into the secondary school of your choice. Classes here were also ranked according to ability - A for the top and F was the worst. Sitting in groups in the large airless hall, the teachers marched in to announce the classes that we would be put in. First, they read out the names of the students that made it to the coveted top class - I was not on that list. In envy and dismay - I watched the girls file out to their new elite class. Well, I thought to myself, if I make it to either the B or C class, that would be respectable. Names were read, girls filed out and I was still sitting there. It began to sink in that I was going to be in one of the classes for the"not-so-bright" and with that came all the baggage of not being quite as good as the others, being lower down in the chain of popularity, being looked upon with pity and even looked down on. My heart sank as my name was announced for Class E. None of my friends from my previous class were with me and I was now one of those girls who were seen as either lazy or unintelligent.

It was there and then that I decided that I had something to prove. If I had not been motivated before to study for my exams and work hard, now I was. I was going to show everyone that I was not stupid and I was going to make something of myself. I did what years of nagging from my parents couldn't do - I motivated myself. My pride had taken a serious fall and I was going to do something about it. I wanted to be successful academically and I worked for it - hard, really hard. And for me it paid off: I started to do well - topping the year in History, Geography, Bible Knowledge, Literature, English - winning book prizes and coming in near the top out of over 200 girls for the next four years.

I was motivated, disciplined and I had a goal - to do as well as I could academically. I eventually did well enough to get into Oxford to read law. I did not enjoy the course and seriously regretted my choice of subject but despite that fact -  I did really well. To my complete surprise - I emerged with a first class honours from Oxford University. I had expected to do well enough considering all the effort and work I put in but it blew me away when I got my results.  I had employed all my discipline and work ethic towards a course that I found for most part uninteresting and if I were honest,  I don't think I learnt or retained a huge amount from those years. My success can only be attributed to the fact that I was well versed in how to sit exams, worked extremely hard and not a small amount of prayer!

Discipline can get you far - my personal experience tells me that. It is undeniably a lynch-pin to succeeding in whatever endeavour we undertake. But how I wish I had chosen to do something I was passionate about, something that excited me and inspired me rather than something that seemed like a good career move. I wish I had chosen to follow my heart - because what would have happened if I had thrown passion into the  mix with all that discipline and hard work? Oh how I wish....

I think when discipline and passion come together - the magic happens. There is nothing like a motivation and a desire that is born inside of you. People can cajole, nag, push and even force you towards success in any area and with immense discipline and self-sacrifice - one can, I feel, achieve great things. However, when you want it as much as someone else wants it for you - that's when it really changes everything.

My personal motivation to prove myself was totally self-serving but it taught me a lesson about the importance of self-motivation; it is the most powerful factor for personal success. This is something I really want my kids to understand. I can encourage them, set schedules, impose discipline and lay a banquet of learning and discovery before them but it is really only when they want it themselves, when it becomes a passion for them - then they will excel and find real satisfaction in their pursuits be they academic, vocational, relational or spiritual.

I believe strongly in discipline - the type of discipline that gets you up at 6am in the morning to read your bible when you would rather snuggle up in bed for an extra few hours. I believe in the discipline of setting aside regular time to exercise or drawing boundaries around your time and work in order to be with your family. I believe in the discipline of working hard, working well, and being on time. I believe in the discipline of generous regular giving and of simplicity. I think teaching our kids to persevere when it gets hard or isn't necessarily fun is important because the hard work required to get to one's goal - be it to be a top tennis player, a competent musician, to lose weight, to get a degree or learn how to sew - is very often challenging, hard-going and not always fun, but the reward  is the pleasure of achieving our goals.

Discipline is a skill that needs to be modelled and taught to our kids but ultimately, for it to really bear fruit, they need to get hold of the goal and run with it with a motivation that comes from their own hearts. For example, in our family, we believe in the importance of spending time each morning with God - through reading the bible and through prayer and worship. So when we started homeschooling, we always started the day with a family devotion. We didn't push them to get up early and spend time on their own having quiet times with the Lord but through encouragement to read scripture daily and to take the time to write things down, somehow, they caught a sense of its importance in setting the tone for the day and they started to wonder how to create a space in their lives to enable this. We talked about taking time out before breakfast, after lunch, before bed, and then they just made up their minds that they would do it. Since then, to my amazement, with no pushing from us - they set the clock early and rise up to do their personal devotions first thing in the morning. In fact, when I went through a season of real struggle and was finding it hard to muster the strength to discipline myself to rise early - it was their example that fired me up. The kids were teaching their mum! This experience convinces me how important it is to model behaviour to our kids, because there really is nothing more powerful than seeing someone live out what they believe. It is the kindling that starts the fire in our hearts.

I recently came across this quote from Elizabeth George's book Write Away and her observation about writing and being published:

"You will be published if you posses three qualities: talent, passion and discipline. You will probably be published if you possess two of the three qualities in either combination--either talent and discipline or, passion and discipline. You will likely be published if you possess neither talent nor passion but still have discipline. But, if all you possess is talent or passion, if all you possess is talent and passion, you will not be published."

Discipline will get us far but discipline with passion can take us to the moon. That's why I love it when I see my kids passionate about something whether it is photography or writing. When the interest takes hold, they'll go out of their way to learn everything they can and are constantly looking for opportunities to grow.

I think, as parents, if we can impart discipline and release passion - our children will find their way and not only have real satisfaction in their work but they will pursue it with an excellence. Sometimes, it can take a while to find your passion (some of us are still trying to work this out as adults) and I hope my role as parent and teacher will be not to impose my desires and ambitions on them but to help my children discover who they are, what they are capable of, what their talents and passions are and in doing so, I will give them wings to fly.

Losing one's way: the road to perspective

 "Mummy, try not to be too stressed." 
My elder daughter looks at me with a worried frown on her face. 

Am I stressed? Have I been yelling again? Have I misplaced the joy of being here - present - alive? 

I have to take deep breath.

"I'm sorry." This is all I know to say when I realise that I've lost my way - again. When was the last time I laughed with my kids?

I need perspective, I need to step back. 

I need to remember why I'm doing this: homeschooling, juggling family and work. It seems to always be about trying to prioritise the right thing -  time with God, my husband, my kids; or trying to catch up on things - reading, administration, sleep, life...

Sometimes we all need to look up from our ceaseless tasks and perceive the landscape of our lives and make sure we haven't taken a wrong turn and ended up entangled and so far removed from our original path that we don't even know how we got there.

I'm a do-er, a planner and a tick-off-my-list kinda girl - so it is really easy for me to get caught up in the day to day busy-ness of homeschooling and lists of to-do's. I focus on the tasks and not on the present. I miss out on little smiles, tender hugs, whispered secrets, silly jokes. I lose my grace and end up frazzled, grumpy, stressed out and just no-fun at all. My brokenness emerges and I am undone by my lack.

So when my daughter looks at me with her big eyes and rubs my back in concern - I know I need to stop:  to take refuge and check in with God, to allow him to draw me back and restore my soul. 


Our recent family devotions have been spent doing a study about becoming a woman of excellence and through our discussions one thing stood out clearly to me. In order to pursue excellence - we need to know what it is we are striving for. We need goals and a vision. I realised I needed a new vision for our family - no, wait - we needed a shared vision for our family.


At the beginning of the year, the girls and I made a list of goals - it included things like learning how to sew, how to ride a wave board, how to play the guitar, being on time for family devotions, sleeping earlier and exercising more. As we talked about how we did on these goals - we were pleased to see that we'd accomplished many of these goals. We also realised that if we hadn't articulated these goals, we would never have taken the necessary steps to achieve them. For example: because the girls expressed their desire to learn how to sew - and being deficient in that skill myself - I sought out a sewing teacher and opportunities for them to learn how to sew. The result was some beautiful bags and two glorious medieval costumes for our end of term medieval feast celebration. 

So with the Christmas season fast bearing down upon us, I thought the year's end would be the ideal time to take stock and talk about our hopes, desires and goals. It is a great way to check in with each other and ourselves, to make sure we are going in the direction we want to. So over these next few weeks, we will be working on a Family Mission Statement as well as our goals for us as a family and for ourselves individually. 


We spent the last week or so talking about the things that we want for our family. We began with a time of prayer and worship and invited Christ into our discussions and everyone had a chance to talk about things we'd loved to be doing as a family - practical things like getting back to regular games nights and about parents not using the phones during what is supposed to be family time (oops!). We got to heart issues as well - like the way we talk to each other and how that makes us feel, the need for more patience and consideration to one another. We reflected on how we could ensure that Christ was at the heart of our family and how we could impact the lives of people around us with grace and blessing.


After all the talking, we got to work on creating a Family Mission Statement - something that would reflect who we are and who we want to be as a family.  We got the whiteboard out and started a mindmap of ideas.

Out of this, we saw where we wanted to be in relation to God, to one another and to the world outside our family.

It is a wonderful thing to have at the forefront of my mind as I go through each day - it reminds me of my purpose as I mother and school my children.  I love that Christ infuses our hopes and dreams for our family. It feels like a marker for our journey - something that will keep us grounded and on course. So when the day spins out of control and all my best laid plans crumble under the weight of real life, when I am tempted to lash out, lose it, lay down in defeat and cry, I look to His grace and return to our vision and remember... 

Our Family Mission Statement

We choose to keep Christ first and foremost in our hearts and our home. We echo Joshua’s words “As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.”

We choose to seek first His kingdom and His righteousness in order to create time and space to be in God’s beautiful presence, to receive daily strength from the Holy Spirit and to bear his fruit through grace-filled lives.

We want our family to be unified in love and appreciation, in understanding and care for each other.

We desire our home to be a refuge and a safe place where we are loved unconditionally for who we are, where our failures and mistakes are forgiven and our dreams and aspirations find their wings.  No one will be left behind or ignored and our purpose is to build each other up, not to tear down.

We desire that our home will be a welcoming place for all – that all who enter our home will breathe in an atmosphere of holy laughter, joyful peace and loving acceptance.

We choose not to ignore the needs of others, to give of ourselves generously and sacrificially, to strive always to see others with the eyes of Jesus.

We want to learn to be available to God and to respond to his prompting so that we may be vessels of blessing.

We do all this so that we may live lives worthy of the calling we have received, that we may be completely humble and gentle, always patient in bearing with one another in love. We choose to make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.

The most wasted of all days is one without laughter. ~e.e. cummings